Here I go again

Staring at this blank page. Trying to capture my feelings on paper. But every time I try to connect my heart with my head the tears start running. Its never easy, and to be dead honest (do you get something like it), I didn’t expect it to happen again. It feels just like yesterday when Marcus was diagnosed with Vitiligo, and here I am again. I feel totally lost, but I also feel totally powerful. Powered with knowledge of what to do, what to try, what tests to ask for etc. But I do question everything I am, everything I know (even my passion for health & nutrition). However, Im ready to turn myself yet again in this major health detective, but just for now I want to be a mom. A mom crawling up in a small bundle and let the tears run down. I want the tears to flow, till there is no more left. 

So what are the chances right? I know now there is a definite genetic link. Which one, i don’t know yet (does it really matter to know), as nobody else in our family has Vitiligo. And yes, as parents we might both have the gene, however its always our environment (lifestyle, diet, stress) that pulls the trigger, causing disease.

But with a lifestyle that is already so healthy, what could be tipping my kids immune bucket? I always tell clients; “just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect you.”. To get to my point I suspect mold toxicity or environmental toxins being so bad that the still developing immune system can’t cope anymore.  

I have a lot of theories & suspicions, but as Functional Medicine has taught me, DON'T GUESS TEST!  We have done numerous test already, but we still need to get the results for Mold & environmental toxins. Doing this the second time around, I quickly skipped all the unnecessary testing & just headed for the big ones. 

Life lessons & Functional Medicine has taught me many things the past few years, but one thing I know for sure is that the body is capable of many things. The body is capable of healing. But healing doesn’t work as the text book is saying, healing is messy. Healing takes time, patience, understanding. Getting it right takes trial & error. What works for one, doesn’t usually work for another. It’s hard, every day is hard. My children’s personality’s are also different, and the way they handle things. How I even explain things to them is different for each one. 

The body also has an internal order of operations. It prioritizes the most critical body systems first, then goes for the next vital one etc. 

I will not stop searching for answers for my boys. I don’t see the Vitiligo, I see an immune system that is not happy, an immune system that is trying to develop and grow, but instead is being attacked all the time by something, an immune system that is working in overdrive.  I need to get to that something, the root cause. 

That is what I do as Functional Nutritionist. I become a health detective & looking for the root cause of the problem. 

Why do I fight so hard, for something a lot of people has these days? Is it normal for everyone to have a disease?

They are still growing kids, imagine if I just let it go, how will it be in 10 years or 20 years from now. They will become sick adults. I want my boys to grow up as healthy adults. Being able to conquer the world in anything they do. 

I do feel angry, as I feel their childhood has been robbed (a little bit) from them. Kids should not have to deal with autoimmune problems, kids should not deal with taking loads of supplements, doing extra treatments, going for blood tests or drinking disgusting green juices. They should be kids. 

I feel even more passionate about helping my clients. I see too many adults & kids walking around not being healthy. We are stuck in a health dilemma, our world is upside down. Our world is sick. 

I walk the talk, I walk the pain, I understand. I have my own story to tell.